Generation to Generation

As I sit and look at my kitchen counters on this beautiful Thanksgiving morning i'm reminded of my mother's kitchen this time of the year. There was always such a sense of comfort in the times where I would wake up sleepyhead out of my childhood or teenage bed room. The comfort came from knowing that my mom was there, knowing that she was taking care of us by cooking, knowing that she loved us enough to show us. Several years ago my mom gathered up all of her now grown daughters and even a few family members that she thought of as daughters and she gave us all something that she had worked months on. She gave us a cookbook which she had sewn the cover for out of old quilt tops. Inside the cookbook were many recipes some handwritten, some passed down for many generations, and some that were just our favorites as kids. So as I am in my kitchen today with my cookbook open preparing the same meal that she has for many years I think about the fact that she passed down so many more things than just that cookbook. The things that my mom passed down are not just the material things but the things that I can cherish and I can pass down to my kids that are so much more important than just paper. Things like loving the Lord, like loving your family, like loving the word of God. So as I wish you a very wonderful Thanksgiving day I also pray that in your family you will pass down the things that are so important. Sure it is nice to have an awesome meal and especially dressing cooked like granny's or banana pudding cooked like mawmaw's but the word of God and loving the Lord will bless for generations upon generations. 

Spiritual before the physical

Have you ever had a “grab-the-bull-by-the-horns” opportunity only to not realize it until it was too late? I’ve had several of these recently. Lately it seems that every time that I could have said the right thing or should have offered my help or needed to step up to the plate, the thought did not cross my mind until the moment was already gone. And it bothers me. For example, why didn’t I think to double check on the friend who recently had surgery and maybe fix a meal once they were home until it had been a month past? Why didn’t I take the time to truly speak to the person from our church that I passed with a simple hello, how are you, at the grocery store until once I was unloading my groceries? Why didn’t I see the opportunity to use vacation time as a way to kick my personal Bible study into gear? These are my “DUH!” moments!! They get to me!

So I began to think on and question myself on what was causing this slow response time. I heard a song on the radio that’s new to me that has these lyrics…
“Before I bring my need, I will bring my heart. Before I lift my cares, I will lift my arms…First I wanna seek You…More than anything I want, I want You first."

 My heart instantly began to pray out the words of this song. Then in my praying God spoke. I have been so focused on our needs and wants physically that I haven’t had much time to focus on my needs and wants spiritually. Everyday life tends to take over my thoughts and actions at times. We are close to moving into the newly renovated church parsonage. That brings bigger spaces for our cramped family, new décor, new surroundings, paint swatches, cabinet choices, and ALL things that I absolutely adore! I have spent countless hours excitedly planning and pinning décor ideas and color schemes and DIY projects for our new home. I’m afraid it’s consumed me. Keeping my home in neat and tidy and well organized, I’m afraid has consumed me. Homeschooling, church, feeding and clothing my family all distract me. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not a bad thing that I’m excited about this new phase in our life with the new home. It’s definitely ok that I see the need to plan out menus and make grocery trips. Yet, I can’t let it all steal my focus off the most important thing… feeding myself and my family spiritually.

So here are three things that I’m going to pray over my home (the old and the new)

#1. Spiritually kept before physically swept

I like clean floors. Sand is just cruel. But let’s be honest, it’s ok if there are things that don’t get done in order for us to have time to spiritually clean our own hearts and minds to prepare them for what God has for us to hear from Him.

 #2. Spiritually sweet before physically neat

In the smaller home that we are in now, tidiness is a constant battle. Our home is often times “clean” but don’t look at all neat because of the lack of storage or the otherwise excess of junk! So clutter is inevitable. Taking time to pray to start my day is a spiritual “hug” from my Heavenly Father. And we all know there is something especially sweet about those hugs.

 #3. Spiritual connection before decorative perfection

I’m a creative soul. I grew to love all things interior design years ago and it instantly became a passion of mine. The creative spirit of matching and mixing pieces and colors and textures, oh the thrill makes my heart pitter patter like a love struck teen! sigh! The time that I take to make sure the pillows are just so, the curtains are pressed, and the paint is the perfect hue of grey can much better be used growing my spiritual connection with my Savior.
 

I pray that each of you reading this today will gain an insight into what’s distracting you. Give your focus back to spiritual things. Grow closer with God daily. Put the spiritual before the physical.

Teaching our daughters

Disclaimer: I’m not exactly sure if I know how to put into words how I feel about the things I have read since this controversy occurred with the Ashley Madison site. Yet, I feel too strongly to not say anything at all. Just to be sure though…I want everyone that reads this to understand I am NOT in any form or fashion taking up for any adulterer or even anyone causing physical or mental abuse in a relationship. I don’t condone staying in a relationship that is such, either.  So at the end, if you don’t agree with anything I’ve said, that’s ok. Just please don’t try to misread or twist my words in any way to sound like I am ok with such sins.

So here goes everything!...

I understand sin in lots of form can be just as hurtful to those around us as it can ourselves. I feel horrible for the wives, children, and other family and friends around the ones who have been outed in this public humiliation. They are only the victims that have been caused an even deeper hurt from the wrong doing, because of the fact that it is so public. Specifically to the Duggar family, I can’t imagine the pain that many of them are facing especially Anna Duggar. I have read plenty about how others say she should or should not feel, what she should or should not do, and what she is or isn’t capable of. I know plenty enough about putting my own foot in my mouth during times where I thought I could say what someone should do, say, or feel. All the time knowing I was only on the outside looking in. With all that being said, that whole aspect and the media-pushed  Duggar part of it is not why I write.  My girls are why I write.

You see through these couple days I have read many articles and social media posts on how people are outraged at the idea of so many men treating so many women badly and from that what they will teach their daughters to be like. There are plenty of thoughts put out there that I agree with. Then there are also things that have been written like teaching our daughters to command power.  To these type things I’m sorry but I just can’t agree. I have prayed and thought and just sincerely moaned over these ideas of making men feel less empowered and our daughters rising up as some sort of power over their husbands and I just can’t see how this can be ok.

I don’t plan to be popular nor make viral blog with this so hold on to your seats but here it goes….Women are the weaker vessel! It is totally ok for a woman to be needy and/or a man to feel needed! EEK! I said it! Let’s just put ALL of our own feelings and opinions, even my own, aside for a moment and break out the true authority on this. God’s Holy Word.

The Bible gives specific details how each role in marriage should be played. The husband has leadership in the home. (Not as dictator, but as Christ leads and loves the church) (1 Corinthians 11:3; Ephesians 5:23) Wives are to submit to the authority of her husband (Ephesians 5:22-24) So many times I hear women say, “But what if my husband doesn’t do his part in loving me as Christ loved the church?” To that I say “so does our husband’s disobedience to God’s word give us free-reign to disobey also?”   Anyways. Moving along…

As a woman I’m ok with knowing that my husband sometimes has to open the pickle jar for me. I like when he opens the door for me even though he knows and I know full-well that I am fully capable of opening my own door. I also like taking charge. I like to drive a lawn mower. I like checking my own oil in my car. I have even taken out the garbage a few times. Gasp!!! I am completely my father’s daughter in the fact that he and I both are the type that “know” our way of doing things is always best. (Seriously, it’s been proven, lol!) At the same time though I have many times had a heavy heart for making my husband feel less than significant or capable. I joke about being older and wiser to my husband but also have felt the sting of knowing that I’ve caused him hurt at times by not letting him lead as God says he should. I am growing through my relationship with Jesus and the closer I get to He that controls all, the more I long to be the wife that the Bible tells me I should be. I am his help-mate. I am his rib (the body part of Adam’s that God made Eve out of) I stand beside my husband, not behind him, and most certainly not under him. But I am also NOT going to teach my children that as a woman or wife that I should power over their father just to prove gender equality.

I have been given a wonderful, Godly husband. He truly loves and leads me as Christ does the church. I know that is not the case for everyone out there. I am so undeservingly blessed. I pray that my girls are too. Sure I will teach them to stand up for themselves, not to accept abuse, to be independent, and to be a leader not a follower. Most importantly I will teach them truths from the Bible. The main things I hope they grow to be, like loving, Jesus-filled, kind, and compassionate have nothing to do with demanding respect or authority. If we, as women, don’t care to be treated as unequal, lower, disrespected, or unloved, how is it ok for us to treat anyone else (male or female) as such?

I’ll end on this funny note…

Jerry Clower is one of the funniest people to have ever lived. He told this story about how he offered his chair to a lady in a green room of a talk show who he later discovered was a “woman-liber”. She outright told him to SIT DOWN. He said his ancestors would come up and get him if he didn’t offer his chair like he had been raised to all his life. She refused and sat in the middle of the floor. After asking her which women she planned on liberating he told her let me tell you about me and Mama (his wife). “Me and Mama have been married 26 years. She was my childhood sweetheart; I ain’t never had another date. And Mama sleeps every morning till she gets ready to get up. Now she may have to get up at 8 o’clock to open the door to let the lady in that I got hired to wait on Mama. And when Mama does get up she can fix her own breakfast or have it brought to her. It’ll be Mama’s option whichever she wants. And when Mama does get up and watches them soap operas, she can watch it in three different rooms of the house, laying down, leaning, or propped up. Whichever way she wants to do it. And whenever Mama wants to go to the supermarket, she goes in a brand new gold Lincoln Continental. I says Miss Woman-Liber, Mama don’t want you messin’ with the deal she’s got!!!!”

EXACTLY. I will continue to be the “needy, high-maintenance, fragile” type!!! Don’t mess with the deal I got!!!

2015

I spent a solid week, the very last of 2013, writing lists, reading self-help books (on time management and home maintenance), and scouring through Pinterest for tips on organizing and printable planners. 2014 was going to be different than any before it. I planned to be successful!

January of 2014 I came home from the little trip we were on, the trip I purposed in my heart to change EVERYTHING about me and my world, and set off. I started with the list I had for organizing and cleaning our 1200 sq ft home. The goal to finish that list was 1 week. I literally touched everything in my house, from bathroom supplies, to old mail, to clothes, to dishes we never use. I went through room by room every last item, sorted into piles of keep or toss, and organized all of it until each thing had its own individual home.

I looked back at the end and thought wow! I did it! It took exactly 1 and a half months to complete!  As you can imagine I wasn't exactly happy that it took longer than I had planned...A LOT longer. Things were put on hold because of this massive project. Schoolwork was delayed. Cooking good family meals was a minimal.  It was a very stressful time of trying so hard to complete my task. By the end of the day, I was always tired and grumpy and not very happy with life in general.

So long story short we kept our house pretty close to how I organized it for about 6 months. Then summer came, birthdays and holidays came, many camps and trips with ministry came. We turned around and everything I had done was gone. What I had now was worst than how it started. All that time. All that effort. The headache of everything postponed just to complete something for it to be undone. Was it even worth it?

This happens to me a lot, especially lately. I know I'm not alone, all of my pinterest scrolling tells me that. So this year I have once again purposed in my heart to complete the same things. Of course, on top of the resolutions, as always, is grow closer to God, read my Bible more, and have a set aside prayer time (you know as opposed to doing dishes prayer time, although I'm sure He hears those too!) But this home maintenance, this life organization, and this time management, I still want to conquer. Here's my dilema...

Knowing last year, knowing the hard work that was put in to all the lists and putting my plan on paper, knowing all the effort and time spent on organizing and decluttering our home, and then knowing the short amount of time it took to go right back as before, I AM DEFEATED. I am defeated already. Before I have even started. I'm scared to just get started because of the certain doom that awaits me. A pile of laundry, albeit a record-breaking mountain, has defeated me. A hectic schedule has defeated me. What seems to be an unreachable goal has defeated me. So, what now?

Where do we go when life presents a mountain we're too weak to climb? There's definitely some obvious answers here.

* We go to our Bible, God's word. So many stories of triumphs and promises comfort me, especially when I compare giants, wandering in wilderness, and lions' dens to a pile of dishes and dirty clothes.

* We go to our worship. After all, a time of grateful worship is where we can be filled with the joy of His salvation.

* We go to prayer. God is the only one who truly knows how you feel, how bad you want to meet a goal, or how hard it may be for you.

Reminders to help when putting our plans to action:

#1. Pace yourself. A mountain does not look so scary if we look through God's eyes. Plus, it will seem a lot more like something we can accomplish if we see it broke into pieces of small goals instead of one great big one.

#2. Don't put everday life on hold. Keep working at your goals but don't let it affect life as normal. Don't put your family aside. Mealtime, schoolwork, and washing clothes, for crying out loud, are far too important to push off for the sake of sticking with "the plan."   

#3. Add fun goals. Add your kids to a work out routine. Make goals to spend more time playing in the yard. Make an effort to plan date nights or movie nights at home with no kids.

#4. Schedule your time wisely. This seems like a repeat of the others, but it's obvious. In order for us to pace ourself, keep at our regular life, and do things we actually like to do in between, we have to discipline ourself to a schedule. Give yourself plenty of time to complete tasks. Don't push it or try to rush it for the sake of checking it off your list. Plan for breaks. Plan for interruptions. Plan for life.

#5. Find your balance. That is my biggest goal for this year. Finding my perfect or semi-perfect balance for my family will mean a world of difference in my home maintenance and quality of life. I can't push myself to work nonstop at goal meeting or be a lazy bum for the sake of not pushing myself. I have to balance it all.

 

Ok, so this was a lot, but my heart as writer is to always be transparent with my readers. That will help me accomplish my ultimate goal with this blog; letting women know they are not the only one with struggles. Here's to our new year, here's to goals, here's to celebrating those met and letting go of those unsuccessful!

He does NOT need another mother!

This is to all women out there; single, engaged, even married. Your man (whether present or future) does not need another mother! There I've said it. Don't act like you don't know what I mean either. You know very well what I'm talking about. As women we have a tendency that is just natural instinct to want to mother everything and everyone we are around and that includes our men, but that's the last thing he needs. Now let me just go ahead and say sometimes men can be big babies, some bigger than others, but still babies! During times when my husband is sick or not feeling good I will still cook him some soup and bring him medicine and check his temperature. That's where I need to draw the line though. My husband is a few years younger than me and we started dating at a very young age (for him, at least). When we were engaged only a year later, he was still in high school. Then we married 2 weeks after he graduated. It was just easy for me to mother him. I joked and would say that I snatched me up a young 'en so that I could raise him to be who I wanted to be. Funny then, but looking back it's a horrible thing to say. Here's the point I'm getting at....It's not who I want him to be, it should be who God wants him to be. And, to put it a little differently, it is the person who God makes my husband out to be not anything I've had to do with.

Sometimes as women we think that we are helping by giving "suggestions" of how our man should act, dress, talk, walk, and even smell like, and they may very well be good advice, but the thing is that we are suppose to be his help mate. We were never created to be his god or his mom or his commanding officer. We should not want our husband to bow to our every command. This only shows weakness and it's definitely not how the Bible describes our role as wives. Our men want to feel...well, manly. They want to grunt and roar at power tools, smell like gas and oil if they so choose to, and have us still swoon over their muscles as they lift our children to the air! Keeping a constant nagging watch over every little thing they say or do only belittles their manliness, but even more damaging it kills their spirit. Men are naturally born with a spirit of power, of authority. Too many times that authority and will to conquer life can be drenched and drowned out by an overpowering woman. It is too sad when a man has lost all will to fight and all will to be who GOD called him to be because he's worried what his wife will say or he's been told he's wrong one too many times.

Instead of telling him what he's doing wrong, encourage him by praising what he's doing right! Instead of belittling his every action, give him the power to lead. I constantly hear women say "I wish my husband were more of a leader." GIVE HIM THE REINS!!!!! LET HIM LEAD and he might just surprise you! I've heard a story before about the greatest thing a marriage councelor ever said was telling a wife "YOU CAN'T FIX HIM!" Boy, is that so true. If you have a husband that's in dire need of spiritual guidance, maybe he does not even know God, all the nagging, commanding, and mothering in the world CANNOT fix him. But...there is still hope! If you'll only step aside and let God have your husband, you'll see that God can fix him like you never could. You'll see God's Holy Spirit can convict, like you never could. You'll see God can change, like you never could.

Our men do not need another mother. Give him over to God. Let Him do the rest!

Where is my treasure?

I was recently talking to a dear friend who is in the process of a big change. They are moving from their home to a whole new area. It's a whole new start for them really. She made the comment that her house was nearly empty but since we weren't really in the middle of that kind of conversation I did not press her for any other details. I'm often the pyschologist type that would ask "and how does that make you feel?"!! But later as I laid down for the night I had lots of thoughts running through my mind.

There are times as a pastor's wife that I bricked up my heart to not hope for a "life-long" dwelling. We moved 8 times in 10 years of marriage following God's direction for our family and the whole time I would wonder "why in the world would anyone move just because they wanted to?" A higher calling from the One in Supreme Authority over my life was the ONLY way I was moving especially after a few times. I think as mothers most of us have an inner yearning to want to settle. We like to "nest." I found myself liking the change that a new house and enviroment would bring by consuming myself in home decor. As long as I got to buy a few new things, change a rug, or map the furniture layout I was ok that we were having to start over once again. I guess in that way God helped me to cope with the calling He had given my husband and our family.

The holidays bring on an enhanced pride in material things. We like to decorate our homes, show off our best clothes, and put our credit cards to good use at discount sales. I go a little over the top with fall leaves and swags and pretty plates with Thanksgiving verses. I have a somewhat eclectic taste in home decor but find great joy in a beautiful well put together Christmas tree. My current housing is not by any means a mansion but my decor is top-of-the-line-Better-Homes-and-Gardens-taking-pictures kind of stuff. I said all that to say this...It is ALL just stuff! Just man-made pretties. At the end of the day, I can live in a multi-floor, 10 bedroom, 5 bath mansion with a grand security system and guarded gate, but the building will not mean a thing to me without the ones I love in it!

My husband's grandmother past away this past year. Her house will no longer be the meeting place for family times of holidays and happenings. Due to hurricanes and other uncontrollable circumstances precious times in my own grandparents' home is but just a memory now also. I can still picture my Pawpaw and Mawmaw's old front porch where we gathered so many times. I can even hear the sound of an old bug zapper. I can close my eyes and smell the stew at my Granny's apartment. All those things make me so long to step back into their old home places just one more time. Then the thought occurs to me even if I could go today, even if I could stand right where they stood and be in the middle of where memories were made, would it be the same? Days have gone by and buildings decay, hurricanes destroy, time wears materials to rust, but even if it didn't, NOTHING would be the same. Without the love that open arms and big smiles of precious family bring a house is just a building, four walls, material.

The Bible tells us in Matthew 6 (verses 19-21) "Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where theives do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

We cannot take my beautifully decorated Christmas tree to heaven with us so I should not make it my greatest treasure. Although it's sweet to think of my grandparents' little yellow house destroyed by many storms, rust, and moths sitting next to the streets of gold right inside the gates of pearl, I highly doubt that God would be "preparing" that kind of place for us. He has much greater in store. The greatest thing we can possibly put our time and effort, our hopes and dreams, and our love and passion into is other human beings. We can't take our houses with us but when we take our loved ones to heaven with us, we take our homes! Lay up treasure where it matters in family, loved ones, and friends. A material possession could never add up to where my treasure is. My treasure is in my memories of days gone by, the relaxation of a girls' day with my Mama, the smile my Daddy's laugh puts on my face, the warmth of a house (no matter where) full of family, the twinkle of my kids' eyes, and the serenity of my loving husband's embrace. For there my heart will always be.

In my weakness

Today I had an awakening. I have been praying for several months now about my family's finances. My husband is very blessed with the full-time salary he makes as pastor of our church. But, you all know as well as I do, feeding 5 people is NOT cheap; neither is anything else, for that matter! So we've been praying and seeking different ways to help supplement some much needed grocery money. Let me just stop and say this right now;  God has ALWAYS provided, A.L.W.A....well you get the point! ALWAYS! So myself being human is the only reason why I would ever question anything different. This time He proved again how He can work wonders, even when we least expect.
In praying for our finances I have sought out a couple different ways to make some extra money myself. As you know it is most important to my family that I'm at home to care for and school my children, so a job has to be VERY specific to our families needs. Well through all this prayer, I've felt as though God was telling me to teach piano lessons. I play. I took piano for 9 years as a child/teen. I was the accompanist for our Jr High and High School choirs (and really strengthened my knowledge and skill through that.) Still, I would stop and think, I am NO Beethoven, and then politely shove that thought to the side.
Once again we've come to the end of the month and funds are lower than normal and I decided to pray a little harder. A message came through from a facebook friend. It said this "I know I've asked you before but things and seasons change. Are you teaching piano lessons?" Hmmmmmm.....OK, God. I hear you. Now what? So I replied. I explained that as a matter of fact, I have been praying through starting to teach and would love to have her as a student. She replied "my daughter wants to take too." Hmmmmm.....Are you seeing a pattern here? God's still shouting from that corner I pushed Him in, "HELLO!!!!! I GOT THIS!!!!!" So, I giggle to myself and realize that I better listen while He's offering. Noone likes to miss out on a blessing because of self ignorance!
I posted an "ad," so to speak, about lessons. I got a GREAT response, and not even 24 hours later I have around 10 students signed up!!! I'm so very humbled for God's provision. At the same time I'm very nervous. I'm not very good at having full confidence in myself. But, today I have found much comfort in His Word and promises. "And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus. Now to our God and Father be glory forever and ever." Philippians 4:19-20
Moral of this story...Never doubt what God can do. Always use your abilities, talents, and gifts to glorify Him. "Wait upon the Lord" as in Isaiah 40. And ALWAYS remember..."not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:11-13
In my weakness, He's made stronger. You can say the same!
AMEN!