"I'm late, I'm late, I'm late"

Last week we arrived home from an eight day vacation in our favorite spot, The Smoky Mountains! We came home on a Thursday and i wasn't feeling well but shook it off as "jet lag" (our kind involves a vehicle, three kids, and a ten hour drive!) By Friday morning it was all I could do to get up to fix the kids breakfast. I was out, down-for-the-count! A fever virus struck me that left me bed/couch ridden for the next three days. During this time of forced rest, I had plenty time to think. I revisited the memories from our trip, worried over what I should be doing instead of sleeping, and planned out our next few weeks of jumping back into a routine. You see I'm one of those women. I'm the kind that you see at the supermarket with the buggy flying past little old grannies, with kids shuffling their feet behind me trying their best to just keep up. I'm the one who constantly is in a frazzle with worry of how many hours I have left in the day. I'm the one with the to-do list a mile long and the expectation of premeditated failure. I'm the white rabbit! HURRY, hurry, or I'm late, I'm late, I'm late. Monday I woke up with a determination to feel physically better and mentally prepared to tackle my week head first. I ran must-do errands and came home to force myself to start some type of cleaning and unpacking. During the last few days of the routine we've had dance lessons, that I confused to be on Tuesdays and are in fact on Mondays, we've had football practice, birthday celebrations (my husband's big 3-0), church, homeschool, and of course, housework. Through it all, to my amazement, I have not heard "hurry" or "we're late" or "would you just look at the time, I have not gotten anything done today" come from my mouth. The funny thing is these last few days have felt very accomplished and very long, in fact. There has not been this overwhelming feeling of failure. God gave me a lightbulb moment yesterday. I knew it was Him speaking and He clearly said this, "you were sick because I knew you needed the rest to prepare you for a crazy hectic schedule. You were sick because I wanted you to see that there is time in your life for everything that is suppose to get done and what does not get done, just simply, was not suppose to." AHHHHHH. Can you hear that sigh of relief? Oh boy, I did! A revelation like this is once in a lifetime for a woman like me. I, me, Mary Helen can have a day to day routine that does not include hurry, or the little white rabbit inside my head demanding a mind of rush! I realize now that through my years of trying to better our schedules, trying to manage our time, even to the point of reading great authors with wise words on time management, it was all a mind game. It was a battle I had forged to make myself rush through life to get the most "bang-for-my-buck" out of my day to day. Worry that I have to squeeze every ounce out of my life because of advice from older people saying "these days won't last long" or "they don't stay little forever" had consumed me to the point of not being able to focus on "cherishing the moments." My rushing and hurry NEVER added one second of time to my day. It never helped accomplish anything, but maybe gray hair! Now I will take heed to walking slower for little legs to keep up, calming myself down when a feeling of rush comes through, and "stopping to smell the roses" when at all possible. Good-bye white rabbit! Sorry, but you will not be missed!!!!

A Stranger's Smile

A sweet smile today touched my heart. It was not just any old smile. It wasn't from one of my three beautiful children, whose smiles often tug at my soul. It wasn't from my handsome prince, the man who daily melts away all tension with just a grin thrown my way. Not only was it not from a dear loved one, it wasn't even a friend. It was from a perfect stranger.

Today was grocery shopping day and thanks to my sweet Mama, the hubby and I were free to take our time buying much needed household supplies, including food, without the added stress of three young kids. I didn't plan to be in town all day, but that is just, how do they say, par for the course?!?! I very rarely plan to be in town all day. So it was altogether normal that as we were rounding out our last stop for the day it was coming to the close of afternoon, beginning of evening, and we were both worn out. I honestly feel like there is something in the air at certain major department stores that make me feel absolutely miserable and therefore slows down my shopping so that I stay in the store longer resulting in larger purchases. SERIOUSLY, Walmart makes my head hurt!!! Needless to say I was dreading the drive home and the loading and unloading of the car. Then in the parking lot next to us I spotted her. She was a sweet little old black lady, carefully unloading her no more than five grocery bags into her trunk. When she realized that we met eye contact she instantly struck up a conversation and my heart was just glowing. I love old people in general, even when they are ornery, but more so when they are nice. She was one of those folks who just seemed to love life. She made small talk with me, and Josh joined the conversation. It was a simple moment of "looks like it will rain again today." "Yes ma'am, it sure does." "Well, the weather news did say 60%." Then it pretty much ended with, "well lately once it starts that's it you can't do nothing else. Y'all have a nice day now." "You too" We've had some heavy late-summer kind of rain storms the last few days and I knew exactly what she was meaning. The rain has been so strong that once it started you were dead in your tracks no matter what plans you originally had. Life is like that sometimes. Curve balls I've heard them called before, but the older and maybe a little wiser I get, I understand that it's really just God's will. Many times I've heard "nothing takes God by surprise." True words. God sees all, knows all. Past...present...future. So when we feel like our day to day lives are interrupted by what we call surprises, we have to remember that God is not taken off guard. I love the simplicity, yet complex nature of the idea that God has already walked where we are going. It's simple in that He's God so He's already been there. Yet, so complex in knowing that He's been where I've been, where you're at today, and where every other one around us will be tomorrow too. He's ready for the hurt we'll feel from an unexpected tragedy, love from a surprise blessing, accomplishment from a lesson learned without knowing, and even disappointment in the wrong choice. He's ready with compassionate arms to heal our hurt, open ears to receive our praise, a pat on the back to say well done, and even a shoulder full of forgiveness and grace. During the longest days of surprises both good and bad, God is like the lady in the shopping center parking lot. He's waiting with a look of love. As we were backing out of our parking spot we both saw the lady wave and smile as we left. That smile was so contagious, that my husband even responded with "she is just precious.". In a world where very little is thought to make a person "happy" ,  that elderly lady's "smile-with-her-whole-face" kind of grin, left our hearts joyful. I left praying that one day when I'm old and gray that I too can have a smile that will touch a strangers heart.