"I'm late, I'm late, I'm late"

Last week we arrived home from an eight day vacation in our favorite spot, The Smoky Mountains! We came home on a Thursday and i wasn't feeling well but shook it off as "jet lag" (our kind involves a vehicle, three kids, and a ten hour drive!) By Friday morning it was all I could do to get up to fix the kids breakfast. I was out, down-for-the-count! A fever virus struck me that left me bed/couch ridden for the next three days. During this time of forced rest, I had plenty time to think. I revisited the memories from our trip, worried over what I should be doing instead of sleeping, and planned out our next few weeks of jumping back into a routine. You see I'm one of those women. I'm the kind that you see at the supermarket with the buggy flying past little old grannies, with kids shuffling their feet behind me trying their best to just keep up. I'm the one who constantly is in a frazzle with worry of how many hours I have left in the day. I'm the one with the to-do list a mile long and the expectation of premeditated failure. I'm the white rabbit! HURRY, hurry, or I'm late, I'm late, I'm late. Monday I woke up with a determination to feel physically better and mentally prepared to tackle my week head first. I ran must-do errands and came home to force myself to start some type of cleaning and unpacking. During the last few days of the routine we've had dance lessons, that I confused to be on Tuesdays and are in fact on Mondays, we've had football practice, birthday celebrations (my husband's big 3-0), church, homeschool, and of course, housework. Through it all, to my amazement, I have not heard "hurry" or "we're late" or "would you just look at the time, I have not gotten anything done today" come from my mouth. The funny thing is these last few days have felt very accomplished and very long, in fact. There has not been this overwhelming feeling of failure. God gave me a lightbulb moment yesterday. I knew it was Him speaking and He clearly said this, "you were sick because I knew you needed the rest to prepare you for a crazy hectic schedule. You were sick because I wanted you to see that there is time in your life for everything that is suppose to get done and what does not get done, just simply, was not suppose to." AHHHHHH. Can you hear that sigh of relief? Oh boy, I did! A revelation like this is once in a lifetime for a woman like me. I, me, Mary Helen can have a day to day routine that does not include hurry, or the little white rabbit inside my head demanding a mind of rush! I realize now that through my years of trying to better our schedules, trying to manage our time, even to the point of reading great authors with wise words on time management, it was all a mind game. It was a battle I had forged to make myself rush through life to get the most "bang-for-my-buck" out of my day to day. Worry that I have to squeeze every ounce out of my life because of advice from older people saying "these days won't last long" or "they don't stay little forever" had consumed me to the point of not being able to focus on "cherishing the moments." My rushing and hurry NEVER added one second of time to my day. It never helped accomplish anything, but maybe gray hair! Now I will take heed to walking slower for little legs to keep up, calming myself down when a feeling of rush comes through, and "stopping to smell the roses" when at all possible. Good-bye white rabbit! Sorry, but you will not be missed!!!!