He does NOT need another mother!

This is to all women out there; single, engaged, even married. Your man (whether present or future) does not need another mother! There I've said it. Don't act like you don't know what I mean either. You know very well what I'm talking about. As women we have a tendency that is just natural instinct to want to mother everything and everyone we are around and that includes our men, but that's the last thing he needs. Now let me just go ahead and say sometimes men can be big babies, some bigger than others, but still babies! During times when my husband is sick or not feeling good I will still cook him some soup and bring him medicine and check his temperature. That's where I need to draw the line though. My husband is a few years younger than me and we started dating at a very young age (for him, at least). When we were engaged only a year later, he was still in high school. Then we married 2 weeks after he graduated. It was just easy for me to mother him. I joked and would say that I snatched me up a young 'en so that I could raise him to be who I wanted to be. Funny then, but looking back it's a horrible thing to say. Here's the point I'm getting at....It's not who I want him to be, it should be who God wants him to be. And, to put it a little differently, it is the person who God makes my husband out to be not anything I've had to do with.

Sometimes as women we think that we are helping by giving "suggestions" of how our man should act, dress, talk, walk, and even smell like, and they may very well be good advice, but the thing is that we are suppose to be his help mate. We were never created to be his god or his mom or his commanding officer. We should not want our husband to bow to our every command. This only shows weakness and it's definitely not how the Bible describes our role as wives. Our men want to feel...well, manly. They want to grunt and roar at power tools, smell like gas and oil if they so choose to, and have us still swoon over their muscles as they lift our children to the air! Keeping a constant nagging watch over every little thing they say or do only belittles their manliness, but even more damaging it kills their spirit. Men are naturally born with a spirit of power, of authority. Too many times that authority and will to conquer life can be drenched and drowned out by an overpowering woman. It is too sad when a man has lost all will to fight and all will to be who GOD called him to be because he's worried what his wife will say or he's been told he's wrong one too many times.

Instead of telling him what he's doing wrong, encourage him by praising what he's doing right! Instead of belittling his every action, give him the power to lead. I constantly hear women say "I wish my husband were more of a leader." GIVE HIM THE REINS!!!!! LET HIM LEAD and he might just surprise you! I've heard a story before about the greatest thing a marriage councelor ever said was telling a wife "YOU CAN'T FIX HIM!" Boy, is that so true. If you have a husband that's in dire need of spiritual guidance, maybe he does not even know God, all the nagging, commanding, and mothering in the world CANNOT fix him. But...there is still hope! If you'll only step aside and let God have your husband, you'll see that God can fix him like you never could. You'll see God's Holy Spirit can convict, like you never could. You'll see God can change, like you never could.

Our men do not need another mother. Give him over to God. Let Him do the rest!

Where is my treasure?

I was recently talking to a dear friend who is in the process of a big change. They are moving from their home to a whole new area. It's a whole new start for them really. She made the comment that her house was nearly empty but since we weren't really in the middle of that kind of conversation I did not press her for any other details. I'm often the pyschologist type that would ask "and how does that make you feel?"!! But later as I laid down for the night I had lots of thoughts running through my mind.

There are times as a pastor's wife that I bricked up my heart to not hope for a "life-long" dwelling. We moved 8 times in 10 years of marriage following God's direction for our family and the whole time I would wonder "why in the world would anyone move just because they wanted to?" A higher calling from the One in Supreme Authority over my life was the ONLY way I was moving especially after a few times. I think as mothers most of us have an inner yearning to want to settle. We like to "nest." I found myself liking the change that a new house and enviroment would bring by consuming myself in home decor. As long as I got to buy a few new things, change a rug, or map the furniture layout I was ok that we were having to start over once again. I guess in that way God helped me to cope with the calling He had given my husband and our family.

The holidays bring on an enhanced pride in material things. We like to decorate our homes, show off our best clothes, and put our credit cards to good use at discount sales. I go a little over the top with fall leaves and swags and pretty plates with Thanksgiving verses. I have a somewhat eclectic taste in home decor but find great joy in a beautiful well put together Christmas tree. My current housing is not by any means a mansion but my decor is top-of-the-line-Better-Homes-and-Gardens-taking-pictures kind of stuff. I said all that to say this...It is ALL just stuff! Just man-made pretties. At the end of the day, I can live in a multi-floor, 10 bedroom, 5 bath mansion with a grand security system and guarded gate, but the building will not mean a thing to me without the ones I love in it!

My husband's grandmother past away this past year. Her house will no longer be the meeting place for family times of holidays and happenings. Due to hurricanes and other uncontrollable circumstances precious times in my own grandparents' home is but just a memory now also. I can still picture my Pawpaw and Mawmaw's old front porch where we gathered so many times. I can even hear the sound of an old bug zapper. I can close my eyes and smell the stew at my Granny's apartment. All those things make me so long to step back into their old home places just one more time. Then the thought occurs to me even if I could go today, even if I could stand right where they stood and be in the middle of where memories were made, would it be the same? Days have gone by and buildings decay, hurricanes destroy, time wears materials to rust, but even if it didn't, NOTHING would be the same. Without the love that open arms and big smiles of precious family bring a house is just a building, four walls, material.

The Bible tells us in Matthew 6 (verses 19-21) "Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where theives do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

We cannot take my beautifully decorated Christmas tree to heaven with us so I should not make it my greatest treasure. Although it's sweet to think of my grandparents' little yellow house destroyed by many storms, rust, and moths sitting next to the streets of gold right inside the gates of pearl, I highly doubt that God would be "preparing" that kind of place for us. He has much greater in store. The greatest thing we can possibly put our time and effort, our hopes and dreams, and our love and passion into is other human beings. We can't take our houses with us but when we take our loved ones to heaven with us, we take our homes! Lay up treasure where it matters in family, loved ones, and friends. A material possession could never add up to where my treasure is. My treasure is in my memories of days gone by, the relaxation of a girls' day with my Mama, the smile my Daddy's laugh puts on my face, the warmth of a house (no matter where) full of family, the twinkle of my kids' eyes, and the serenity of my loving husband's embrace. For there my heart will always be.