Father,
You know me. Inside and out. There is no reason to lie to you or to pretend, because you see the truth even more clearly than I myself do. I am overwhelmed right now. Both in good ways and bad. I feel horrible that I have to admit to you that I feel like I am drowning right now in my own selfishness. I want a break. I want a clean spotless house, without having to lift a finger. I want money to buy all the things I think I want but knowingly don't need. I want Noah to be potty trained easily.I want to be a better mother. I feel like I am a scattered brained idiot most of the time. Forgetting things I shouldn't forget and not doing things that should have been important. I feel incomplete because of the projects I feel are so important are not done, like the kids scrapbooks and the jewelry making that I hope brings in extra money. I feel lazy and so unhealthy, yet I stay moving all day and look behind me and nothing seems finished. I want family nearby. I want them to be able to fall on me and me to fall on them. I crave to be in Your Word and in prayer all day long it's on my mind but I can't get my brain (or kids) quiet enough to just enjoy being alone with you.
I need Your help Lord. You know that I know Your grace and mercy and Your blessings on me far exceed the hard things in life. I look around at so many people that have true reasons that they could complain about but yet they are facing the challenges head-on. Sometimes I wander where they find there energy. But then I know it has to be through You. Please help me to learn time management skills, organizational skills, better parenting skills. Help me to take care of myself better. To be happy to do for my family even if it's picking up one pair of shoes and the same toys four hundred times. Show me YOUR strength so that I do not dwell on my lack there of. Shine down Your presence. Make me STOP and listen to you, even if that's at 6 am in the morning. I love you. I know You deserve so much better than me but yet You chose me and are for me. Thank you for knowing me, and expecting me to be honest.
Love your daughter,
Mary Helen
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